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Post by Joseph Lofthouse on Aug 26, 2015 15:01:54 GMT -5
Twelve days ago, I finally left a long term relationship. It really sucks to just walk away, but I trust my therapist when he said that it was the only way to deal successfully with this particular issue.
I departed precipitously. I choose to live a life full of gentleness, calm, and respect.
I managed to take most of the current seed inventory with me. I left behind a lot of older seed, and most of my garden tools, and all of my winter clothing and decent shoes. I'm biking these days. I sure feel fit. I'm sorely missing secateurs and a pocket knife. I'll really miss the greenhouse come spring. I'm not publishing a new telephone number for a few months, but those of you that like to call or text may request it via personal message.
So I'm cranky, and discontented, and out-of-sorts... Since it's a rain day, I'm working on taking inventory of what breeding projects and seed stashes I managed to escape with, and which are still growing in the garden, etc... The current harvests are safe for: squash, sweet corn, flour corn, watermelon, muskmelon, carrots, cucumbers, beans, favas, bok choi, garbanzos, fennel, wheat, sunroot, okra, tomatillos, peppers, and tobacco. I think that the popcorn project is set back a couple of years. I've been disliking that project anyway, because the phenotype for good popping ability is so fickle.
The true garlic seed project was severely impacted. The turnip rooted parsnip project is set back a couple years. Peas were close to a complete loss this year, mostly due to not being able to be in the garden enough as things went from bad to worse. I left behind a glorious vineyard, and the hazelnuts, walnuts, pears, apricots, and apples.
The tomatoes are doing fine... I made a lot of progress this summer, I just didn't get as many crosses made as I would have liked... I let the potato seedlings get overrun with weeds, but I'll still dig up the row to see if I can discover any tubers.
I grew lots of spinach seed this year, and made good progress on the storage onion project.
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Post by flowerweaver on Aug 26, 2015 15:27:47 GMT -5
Sounds like you did what you could and needed to get out. When someone has that kind of relationship with alcohol you can never compete, drink always wins as first love. I'm sorry for your loss of relationship and seeds. Take some time to relax and keep in touch with all us friends.
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Post by oldmobie on Aug 26, 2015 17:38:15 GMT -5
Wow. That sucks. I never seldom know what to say in these situations. In this case, though, I know one helpful thing to say: Our seeds are your seeds. After inventory, and when it becomes high enough on your priority list, post a list of what you can use. Doesn't have to be for the garden.
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Post by Joseph Lofthouse on Aug 26, 2015 18:36:52 GMT -5
It wouldn't be the first time that I have lost seeds due to my poor judgment or lack of organization, and they came back to me through my swap network.
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Post by templeton on Aug 26, 2015 19:25:36 GMT -5
Like oldmobie said. What do I say? I doubt I have much in the way of seeds that would be useful, but happy to send anything that might help - thoughts and best wishes included. T |
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Post by richardw on Aug 26, 2015 19:29:04 GMT -5
Having been there myself Joseph it can be a big upheaval in ya life,i'm sure we all wish you the best finding your feet again
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Post by philagardener on Aug 26, 2015 20:25:25 GMT -5
When the sun comes out after a storm has passed, the light on the hills can be amazing . . .
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Post by steev on Aug 26, 2015 20:38:25 GMT -5
Such a thing is wrenching even when it's obviously for the best. After years of working seven-day weeks, literally dawn-to-dusk, to support my family, I had to accept that my stay-at-home wife was not my partner, but a private contractor, strip-mining our income. It took the Loma Prieta earthquake, which scared the whey out of her and caused a 50% decline in my business, and my insistence that it was time for her to put our daughter in school and get a job to help out that sent her packing with everything that wasn't welded down, leaving me in a bare house, with a big dog, an old cat, and a month-old pickup. Felt like I'd won the lottery, though I'd not had the money to buy a ticket; everything I had, I liked.
I won't go into details of the four-year divorce, property settlement, visitation, and custody battle, resulting in my going bankrupt, to keep from losing the house in which I'd become the single parent of our nine-year-old daughter. Have you any idea what it's like to go to the store to buy WHAT? when your daughter gets her first menses and you have no female advice?
The message is: shit happens; we wouldn't be here if we weren't of stock that has survived shit innumerable times; we have the capacity to survive, and our demonstrated ability makes us desirable as mates and partners.
Be well; honor me by calling on me if I can be of help, in any way.
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Post by mcool61 on Aug 26, 2015 21:05:39 GMT -5
I finally left a relationship that has caused me immense grief over the years. Happy trails & good luck. I often feel the same but have too much invested to escape if I can stand it. Sure wears you down. I hope it is appropriate to offer congratulations. I'm a bit jealous. |
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Post by steev on Aug 26, 2015 21:56:15 GMT -5
It's ironic that I recently read some quotation to the effect that humans will suffer bad circumstances, so long as they can, rather than revolt, risking all to gain all. There are times when one must say not "this is intolerable", since it clearly is, having been tolerated, but "I will not tolerate this; it costs more than it's worth."
Oh! I think it was in reference to the Declaration of Independence.
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Post by mcool61 on Aug 26, 2015 22:27:50 GMT -5
It's ironic that I recently read some quotation to the effect that humans will suffer bad circumstances, so long as they can, rather than revolt, risking all to gain all. There are times when one must say not "this is intolerable", since it clearly is, having been tolerated, but "I will not tolerate this; it costs more than it's worth." Oh! I think it was in reference to the Declaration of Independence. I often feel like that but it will be devastating financially & severely curtail my retirement. Time is running out. On the other hand, do I want to put up with a sociopath the rest of my life? I keep treading water but it gets tiresome. There is no practical reason for either of us to move on. It goes round & round. They're coming to take me away ha ha |
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Post by steev on Aug 27, 2015 0:11:03 GMT -5
I get your predicament; I support your need to do what makes sense to you, in your circumstances.
I grew up in family situations that were, so far as I could tell, both loveless and sexless, relationships of convenience. My paternal grandparents had been "separated" since the 30's, but were living in the same house when I came on the scene; Granny was mostly employed; Grandad never had work past payday; they slept separate; he did housework, cooking, gardening, and some childcare, which lessened when I entered school.
I lived with my father and his third wife, the stepmother from Hell, from 7 to 12 years of age; when I was 10, he told me the only reason he'd married her was so I could have a mother; thanks, Pop; she hated my guts and didn't hide it. They also developed into a separate-sleeping, loveless, sexless relationship of convenience.
I was sent to live with Pop's sister, who had a sexless relationship with a married man (20 years!); she made it clear that being born male was a congenital defect; that's where I went through puberty; it was a treat.
So I was sent back to Granny and Grandad, from whom I escaped to the University of California, Berkeley, thanks to having convincingly presented as a promising student gaining copious scholarships: mission accomplished! All I'd wanted was to get away from those people, so I didn't study; did I piss away an opportunity? Of course, but would I have wanted the structured life that would have led to? I think I'm a tad too ADHD, too hunter-gatherer, to have dealt with that. One must deal with one's circumstances as best one can; others may have opinions, but they don't have to live in the situation.
I currently live in a rented room; my landlady's last partner lives in the garage, paying no rent, doing the house-cleaning, errands, like that; sound familiar? I won't live like that; I'd rather live alone with a big dog, several cats, and a pickup.
The only thing of value my ex left when she split was her '62 Plymouth Valiant, which wasn't running; I have it in my name on the farm, not because I drive it, but more like a scalp.
My point is: life is a bitch; none of us will get out alive; take your best shots, as you see them; good luck!
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Post by richardw on Aug 27, 2015 1:07:38 GMT -5
do I want to put up with a sociopath the rest of my life? I know if i had stayed with the sociopath that i was married to she would have sent me to the funny farm, you only get one life, why throw it away. |
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Post by richardw on Aug 27, 2015 1:09:45 GMT -5
steev - i know you didn't say that, i cant seem to remove you from that quote
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Post by reed on Aug 27, 2015 7:02:16 GMT -5
I could chime in about life challenges and the like but all I got to say is the big paste type tomato that grew from your seeds is the best I'v ever seen and it has very open flowers. Got plenty of seeds if you want some back, send a PM.
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